Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
BRING THE BAGELS
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
