North Korea, Best Korea!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
