I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got inside last night via doggy door
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
