Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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