I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize