So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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