every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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