My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
