I am midnight drunk by noon
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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