Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
