thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize