He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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