I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
