so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
