I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize