Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
