I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
