Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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