tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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