I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
