i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
