i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
