should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize