i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
