yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize