I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
