I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
