I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I party with great urgency now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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