I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
