Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
