I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck appropriateness.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
