i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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