She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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