no, he came in my armpit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
