I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
