Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
