Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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