Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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