how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
