in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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