In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
