proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
