hotel room ftw
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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