is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
