guys are not supposed to queef...right?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
