Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
