My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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