It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
