hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
