Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
