he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
