Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
