and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sext me about skeletons
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize