dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Shame - the story of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
