so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
