dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
