All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
