I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
