Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
