Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
