Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
