Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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