well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
