Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
