Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
