maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
