I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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