I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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