Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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