Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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