what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think i have two assholes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
