I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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