Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
