Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize