Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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