i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Two words: nipple clamps
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